Untitled Novel (it's been years since I tried to finish)

Excerpt from an unfinished piece...

Chapter 1

Let me check my missed calls, let's see here. I just
got a text from Jeslyn. what does she want? Dang, 5
missed calls...She is a truly great girl. See, I'm
speaking with the other brain again. Anyway, I always
call back..True sucker. Let me dial the numbers, 5
rings, 6, 7, 8, 9 and 10. Why did you even call me,
if you ain't gonna' answer. I really hate that. She
is on that stage where I'll make one phone call attempt
and if you don't answer, "Sorry for ya"...

Back to the grill again. Man, I broke my prior rule,
I'll call Jes back again...one more time...5 rings,
"Hello!", Jes answered. "What up, kid?", I asked saucily...
hehe..."Oh nothing", Jes replied. So I think to myself, why
did this girl try to get a hold of me? I know that she wants
me to probe, ask questions and act concerned. There must be
something going on in her relationship with that haole boy
and needs a shoulder to cry on. I'll humor her. "You don't
sound like you're doing too well, what's the matter?", I
asked. "He's ignoring me", Jes replied. So I think to myself
again, so what does she want me to do, go to her pad and ask
her if she would like to get some of that Brown Sugar again
(again thinking with the other brain, just like a Jedi mind
trick, "Luke I'm your father...."). I asked her, like a chump,
"Is he treating you like the lady you are?", with a half assed
air of concern. Jes said, "Well I'd rather speak to you face
to face about this, or I think I will break down". "What, like
my pop's eight track player in his old Gremlin?", I thought to
myself. "What do you mean, do you want to meet up someplace?",
I asked. "I guess so", Jes said. "Like First Street Billiards,
Starbucks, Pho' Bac, just call it", I said. "No, why don't you
just come here?", she asked. "You sure, is that gonna' be cool?",
I asked warily. "I asked, didn't I?", she inquired (like I was
a runaway slave or something, I swear that she had a horsewhip
up, when she asked me). "I guess that's alright", I replied
halfheartedly (my tail was only halfway up between my legs at
that time). You just don't know, she considered me a "kuya" or
if you don't know the mother tongue - the dreaded "friend".
That would have been cool if I was bakla and was her primetime
shopping partner, but unfortunately I'm heterosexual and she
was damn fine. Just like taking candy away from a baby. Cruel
and unusual punishment. But hey, she cool, it's better to have
a gun and not use it - then to not have a gun and have to need
one. Hmmm, does that make sense?, ehhh, whatever. Anyway, I
slapped the top down on the Wrangler and headed a beeline to
her pad like a fool...I would at least look cool getting there
anyway..hehe..

DING, DONG....I'm waiting...Damn, 5 minutes on this stoop already.
She better be baking cookies or something, maybe frying up some
lumpia....I'm gonna' go back home, so I turned around and walked
back to my Jeep. "Hey you!", Jes replied in that tone of voice -
makes you melt like halo halo in midday traffic in Manila - HOT
BABY! Anyway let me collect myself for a minute. So of course I
put the keys back in my right pocket and turned around. Walked
thru the door, jeez she had the Waiting to Exhale soundtrack
playing on her system. What in the hell. Are we going to dance
around her coffee table now and talk shit about men. If that's
whats goin' on, I'm out, like Audi 5K..."Do you want a beer or
somethin'?", Jes asked. "Right," I replied warily. "Remember
when you first turned 21 and said that you would only drink
Heinekens because you only drank imported beer and then your
heart got broken when they opened up that plant in Sacramento",
Jes said. "What in the hell are you talking about?", I confusedly
asked. "Oh I am just trying to get that sarcastic humor, that
always turned me on about you", Jes replied. Turned me on about
you, what a thing to say to this timebomb of horniness you just
offered alcohol to. Who's the dumb one now?...Oh still me, I
came over here like a chump (just a reminder to me the...idiot...).
Anyway, let me collect myself again. "Hey you gonna tell me what's
up between you and White Boy Roy, or what?", I asked in an assertive
tone. "Don't call Dirk that", Jes said. "For Chrissakes, he's named
after some kind of medieval weapon or torture device that was once
used in the Spanish Inquisition", I replied. She let out a giggle
and stopped herself, she then looked like she was about to burst
into tears.

"I just don't know what to think", Jes said. "Bout what?", I
asked. "The medieval weapon guy", Jes replied. "Heh, Heh,
you're getting humor thing down, I'm gonna' have to book you
at the Improv next week", I said. "I caught the guy cheating",
Jes said somberly. "Are you calling it quits or what?", I asked.
"I don't know what to do", Jes replied. I am really irritated
by that statement. I'm tired of women saying that no man should
ever cheat on them or else. Then when it happens, they feel too
confused to make the obvious decision. Which would be to drop
that man, come to poppi and like LL said, "Back seat of my Jeep"
(I'm an idiot, I know). Alright back to the matter at hand. "Well
have you confronted him with this info?", I asked. "Not yet", Jes
replied. "What, you want me to ask him?", I asked. "No, something
else", Jes said. Jes then sat next to me on the couch and stroked
the back of my head with the back of her index and middle finger
of her right hand (very detailed, huh?). I absoulutely love that
shit, whan a woman caresses you, you know those little physical
things add up to a lot. Alright, she got my right leg quivering
now. Count to ten man, you CAN be STRONG. "You know I have
always had a thing for you", I said. "I know", Jes replied. "So
what do you want from me, is this some kind of booty call?", I
asked sarcastically. She laughed and said, "No, I thought this
is what you wanted". She then gave me one of those looks you
see models do while running down the catwalk. I held my laugh
in.....

Booya....

.....So I picked her up and threw her on the living room futon.
Bam, Bam, Bam (ie, John Witherspoon from "Boomerang", you know -
"you gotta' coordinate...")...In about one hour of off the wall,
well you know - bumpin' da uglies - or should I say doin' the
white man's overbite, it was over and she started to cry.
"Was I that bad?", I asked. Damn that sarcastic humor. She
started to whimper, like she found what she had to say next
to be very difficult. "What did I just do?", Jes asked in a
confused daze. "I thought that this is what you wanted?", I
asked in a negative tone. A long pause, with no answer. I
felt guilty, so I had to leave (what a guy move, huh). I gave
her a kiss on the forehead and dressed. "Where do you think you
are going mister?", Jes asked. "Don't play games with me", I
barked back at her. SLAM, went the door. LATE HOE! (no, I
didn't actually shout it - well, I shouted it in my mind
though...).

What women want these days, I just don't know sometimes...


Chapter 2

I'm 2 minutes in the car and the cell rings up. Guess
who's number it is. Gotta' remember that she is on the "D"
list right now. Don't answer it, I guess (another typical
guy move, anyway - no time for confrontation right now).
God, what is there to do tonight? I'll call up Jojo on the
celly and see what he got going on for tonight. 5 rings, 6,
"Uh, hello", Jojo answered. "You don't sound too sure of
yourself, what's up", I said. "Hey now, is this Scott-AE?",
Jojo asked. "Yeah save that shit for your mom, bitch", I said.
"What do you want asshole?", Jojo asked sarcastically. "Just
wanted to see what you were up to?", I asked. He probably was
going to say, let's go to Orange, the newest pinoy hangout,
well for the time being, you know how trendy us peeps are
sometimes. "Thinking about meeting up with this hapa and going
down to the Orange - she needs to be peeled tonight", Jojo said.
"You're an idiot, anyways, she got any friends that are coming
with?", I asked. "Of course, you know she runs with a crew of
baby yakuza gangsta' bitches", Jojo replied. "Like I said,
you're an idiot - so they bringin' their crew of boyfriends
too?", I asked sarcastically. "No, it ain't like that, I think
that we're going to actually hook up with her friend Cynthia,
then maybe meet up with her other friends at the club, so you
wanna' tag along and be sixth toe?", Jojo asked. "Yeah, why
not?", I replied halfheartedly. "I guess by the tone of your
voice, you gots some Jes issues?", Jojo asked. "Is it that
obvious?", I asked. "You're the idiot sometimes", Jojo said.
"Well said my friend, hurry up let's get drunk - where do you
want to meet?", I asked. "Get to your pad and I'll pick you
up", Jojo said. "Cool, I'll be there in 10 minutes", I said.

Jojo picked me up at the pad and we were on our way to
the hapa's lair. "Dang, where does she live?", I asked
impatiently. You see, we've been on the road for about 35
minutes and Orange is only 7 minutes from my house. "Why
didn't you just ask her to come to your house earlier?", I
asked. "You gotta' treat the keepers right, you know?",
Jojo said. "Well for how long kid", I asked. "Until you
hit that punany, then mission accomplished", Jojo said.
"So I guess you haven't sampled the sashimi yet?", I asked
sarcastically. "Shaddup, you little virgin boy", Jojo
said in his backla' accent. "What's this little japonesa's
name anyway?", I asked. "Lola Takamura, don't you remember
her, she used to be a bank teller at the Well's Fargo on
Mckee", Jojo said. "Oh yeah, that's right, she is a definite
cutie", I said. "You know it baby!", Jojo exclaimed. "So
why is she named after your grandma, heh, heh", I asked
jokingly. "You can suck on the left side of my nutsack, I
just shaved it, better yet - how about a nice teabagging
later?", Jojo asked (he kinda' sounded a bit serious,
ewww....).